Sunday

Okay, so I have not blogged in awhile. Ya, I know, I am sorry; but today I am so all is well. Let me put you in the mood that I am in right now. Let me take you on a tour of how soothed my soul is right now. It is 1:53 on a Sunday afternoon. It is spring, and outside the weather is gloomy, yet refreshing. The clouds are drizzling rain. The big game is on and time is dwindling down the score is close and breathes are held. I put no commas in that last sentence, because I want you to read it, the way I felt as I said it. I put the TV on mute so I can watch the game in all its' beauty. That used to be my game. I guess it will always be my game. Anyway, I have been thinking a lot lately. Firstly, because my birthday is 5 days away and I am mildly excited. Would you like to know what I am truly anticipating? Ok, well, this is the first Mother's Day that I, Jessica, am a mother. I would like to think I am doing a pretty great job too. Now, my daughter will only be 8 months old when Mother's Day comes around, but I am proud to know I will be celebrating the first of many more Mother's Days' to come. That thought also brought about another thought. I am proud of myself. For I was once lost, but now I am found. Twas' blind but now I see. I say that because, I am figuring things out. I have grown and am continuing to grow into a great woman. The world has come so much more vivid to me. I may not be where I would like to be right now, but I accept that there is a reason for that. At the same time I am still fortunate and grateful to be where I am now. To add on to that I am also forever continuing to seek and accel at new ventures in life. Well, as you can all see, my mind stays forever busy. I am going to stop right here for now because I like to marinade in my thoughts, so that is what I am going to do right now. After I am done I will come get at you with another blog. That is it for today. Much Love! Stay Positive!

God Bless,
Jess

WHAT ARE WE SCARED OF?

OKAY, I AM GOING TO DO THIS FIRST PART OF MY BLOG IN BOLD, CAPPED WORDING BECAUSE I WANT TO CATCH YOUR ATTENTION IN A BIGGER WAY. I HAVE HAD SUCH A PROFOUND THOUGHT TODAY AND THIS THOUGHT MAY SOLVE ALL OF OUR PROBLEMS IN LIFE. DO YOU WANT TO HEAR IT? I SAID...DO YOU WANT TO HEAR IT?? OK, WELL, I AM GOING TO TELL YOU ANYWAYS. MY THOUGHT WAS IF THERE WAS ONE THING IN LIFE I HATE? AND THERE IS, I HATE THE FACT I WORRY HOW LONG, IS HOW LONG? HOW LONG AM I GOING TO WORRY ABOUT "WHAT IF I CAN'T?, WHAT IF DO THIS WRONG/RIGHT?, I WONDER HOW IT WILL FEEL? I WONDER ETC... SO WONDER THIS: WHAT IF YOU KNOW THAT GOD HAS GIVEN US ALL THE RESOURCES TO DO WHATEVER WE WANT TO; AND WHAT IF WE CAN'T LIVE LIKE THIS PERSON, OR DO THIS OR THAT AS GOOD AS WHATEVER PERSON WHAT IS GOING TO HAPPEN? WELL LOOK AT IT LIKE THIS. IF THOSE PEOPLE WHO YOU PUT AT THE PEDESTAL OF WHAT YOU WANT TO ACHIEVE CAN DO IT...WHY CAN'T U? OBVIOUSLY THEY CAN DO IT SO YOU CAN TOO. SO DO IT. THAT'S IT PERIOD. IT IS NOT IF WHAT IF I CAN'T? IT IS WHY DON'T I? BECAUSE IF THE NEXT PERSON CAN DO ONE THING THEN I CAN DO IT TOO. I AM NOT ARROGANT, BUT I BELIEVE WE CAN ALL DO THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT WE THINK WE CAN'T DO. WHY CAN'T WE ALL BELIEVE THAT TOO? OK SO LAST QUESTION OF THE NIGHT THAT WILL SOLVE ALL QUESTIONS...WHY DON'T WE STOP QUESTIONING WHY WE DON'T DO SOMETHING, SO WE WILL NOT HAVE TO QUESTION THE FOLLOWING WHAT IF'S? GOODNIGHT

Scared Straight? or..Scared Stiff?

Hey everyone, today was one of those days for me where I was faced with thoughts from my past. For me, this is hard, I believe it is for most people. This topic is difficult for me, I usually shed a tear or two when I reminisce of some old memories. I felt the need to blog about this because, I have learned that the only way to move forward is, not to settle in your ways. Being scared straight is what saved me today. For the longest time I was scared stiff, so stiff that I could not break the horrible cycle of my short comings in life. From day one I said my blogs would be about real stuff, real life, so I am getting so real I am making myself bare for you. I am taking you to a place inside myself so deep that you will feel like you have just taken a personal tour of my soul. When I was 15 I was raped. I know your probably thinking, "damn that's sad," or "what I am supposed to say, or think about that?" Well don't think anything about it, because I don't think anything about it too much anymore. For so long I used that as an excuse to be blank. Not to feel, not to grow, not to further myself. I was frozen in time mentally. Then I got tired, I got tired of not progressing. I grew weary of being scared, which means I wasn't really scared anymore. Life goes on, which means, either I had to move on also, or get left behind. Between then, and now a lot has happened; good and bad. I believe in leaving things on a good note so I will start with the bad, and follow with the good. The bad things are, I have been diagnosed with epilepsy(a seizure disorder), I've stolen, and had to deal with the consequences, I've had to rethink my steps in life and start all over again, I've overdosed on medication, I would go through times when I could never even believe in a better tomorrow. There is so much more I could say about the bad but the bad does not even compare to the good. The good is that I am still alive, I have a beautiful daughter, the Lord is still my Savior, my family has and will always stick by me, I am not giving up on my education, I learned how to continue life, & through it all I have sorted out my morals, and realized that I am a great person that can offer a lot to the world, but like everyone I have made bad decisions. I look at it like this, God sent his only son to die so that we all could have a second, third or fourth chance. Jesus did not care what the people had done, He did not care if the hated Him. That is why when I die and if God asks me, " If I took advantage of all the opportunities life had to offer me?" I want to be able to say yes, I took the good with the bad and appreciated them just the same. I got scared straight instead of being scared stiff, and kept going on. I took what I learned and realized where I've been, and where I do not want to go again. There was a time in my life when I did not want anyone to know anything of my past, and now I can put out there in black and white for the world to read. We all have had times we are not proud of, but the only way to learn, and to potentially prevent the next person from experiencing the same things you have is to talk about it. Draw a picture for the world to see of your faults and your beauty. Well, I think I have said a lot to take in, but I must say I do feel better after writing this, and I hope you feel better after reading it.

God Bless,
Jess

Unconditional, Relentless, Undying

Well it's a beautiful day in the neighborhood, and all I can think is how good it feels to be alive. For some reason today I have a different outlook on life than usual. This feeling is refreshing, it is serene, calm, and uplifting. Usually I am very impatient, I want things done right away, and I love to be looked at as having my stuff together, but not really doing things to there full potential. I have always had this problem. I always look at the short term effects of things instead of the overall picture. Recently I have been stressed about school, money, school, money, and that seems like it can defeat me at times. When ultimately if those are the only things I am stressed about in life I am doing pretty good. I consider myself to be EXTREMELY fortunate. I have my head on my shoulders. My family is EXCEPTIONAL, not to mention I have the greatest gift in this world, which is my daughter who confirms that my fountain of love will never run dry. My love life has reached a point that I never even knew existed; and not to mention I have learned how to give my whole life to the Lord, and how to appreciate the low points in life as much as the high times in life. One of the most important lessons I have ever been taught is that if you Give everything to the Lord, the good, and the bad, that everything will fall into its' place. Most people looking at my life from the outside may say my life is quite unfortunate, but I would say the complete opposite. My life is great. Many unfortunate things have happened, but on the upside it has put me in check. Learning how to love correctly is the greatest thing I have ever done. I love those who love me, yet I also love those who may hate me the same, and those who I do not even know at all. Love will set your soul free. When you hate someone or something it is a waste of time. It took me a long time to realize this, and to accept it. Now that I have, the only way I can go is up. The important things in my life such as my God, my family, my morals, and my virtues have taken off from the starting line and the pace they will continue to travel will be steady, and promising. I choose to take all that I have experience, to encourage my climb to my full potential. Giving up has never gotten me anywhere. Time is of the essence. My love is Unconditional, Relentless, and Undying. There is beauty even in the most unlikely of places. This blog right here is the mind set that I declare to live my life. I appreciate you reading this, and I hope that in some way it has touched you.

God Bless,
Jess

...When your hungry...

Well, it's a new day, so breathe new air. Let the funk from the past be laid to rest. So, I am constantly thinking of new ways to break barriers for the better, and for ways to challenge myself. This morning I had one of those moments where I felt like I was so overwhelmed and my heart felt so heavy; but when I would try to think of why, I could not even come with a reason suited for my tsunami of emotion. That is when I realized that emotions can often get the best of us. All I could think was,"..Where's my head??...". Then it stopped me like a screeching halt; that was what was missing in it all, my logic. My heart over powered my mind. Once I proceeded to break my thoughts down, the weight on my heart started to also lift. I will speak for myself when I say this, but I let impatience get the best of me, yet I am a lazy competitor when it comes to procrastination. Now, you probably are thinking, that my statement contradicts itself. You are right. That also means that I contradicted myself. Which leads me to realize that until I stop contradicting myself I can never grow. I am literally putting arrows on myself going in two different directions but the point of common gravity always goes back to the center they both originated from. In order for me to stop pressing rewind in my life I need to choose which direction I need to take and cut the other road off. Only then can I continue to write the book of my life. I have decided to title this blog "...When your hungry...", because when I am hungry for not only answers, but questions the only way to fulfill my hunger is to not leave my conscious savoring for anymore knowledge in any subject. I believe life to be documented as chapters. The previous chapter is never forgotten, but holds as much significance as the following chapters to come. You will pay each chapter of your life equal respect in the sense that you will pay so much attention to every chapter that you will never have to refer back to the details. Well, I believe I have written enough for today. My main message was to say, stay leveled in life. Feed your hunger with knowledge continually so you can continue to grow. Continue to ask questions or you will never know. Choose your path and watch the story unravel. Give thanks through it all. And remember it all starts with one person, and one thought.

God Bless,
Jess

FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO NEED SOME INSPIRATION HERE IS A LITTLE PUSH, BY THE END OF THIS CLIP I HOPE YOU VIEW LIFE AT THE SAME ESTEEM AS THIS WOMAN.

IN THE BEGINNING...

Hey everyone! My name is Jessica, and I am a very open-minded individual who loves to spread a positive message, but most of all I LOVE to make people think about things they have never thought about. Writing my thoughts is something I have done for so long, but I will be honest, I never thought anyone would listen; but I do believe in change and I believe in a better tomorrow. Which means it has to start with a message. I am young, but life has presented me with scenarios I never thought I would ever come face to face with. With that said I am still hear, and there must be a reason for it. My faith in the Lord is stronger than it has ever been, and grows more everyday. I believe in love, I believe that no one is bigger than the next person, I believe if we all gave as much as we felt we needed to receive NO ONE would struggle, and listening to what others have to say can go a long way. The Lord put us on this earth to help each other, and to become stronger as a community. A community means no one is left behind. I believe the next person is my responsibility. Anyway, I think you guys see where I am coming from and what direction my blogs will be going in, but don't get to comfortable and think only one, two, or even three topics will be talked about here. Just like life throws the unexpected at you so will I. My goal is to challenge your minds, so stay tuned till tomorrow when I will strike a new thought. I hope everyone enjoyed my message for today, and let me know if there is anything you would like me to talk about. Thanks, and remember it starts with one person.

God Bless,
Jess